Astray in the Desert
by Terriermons
Summary: [[[[Spoiler Warning!]]]] Balthier and Fran's vacation gets cut short when the Strahl crashes in the desert on their way to Rabanastre for Ashe's coronation as queen of Dalmasca.
1. Chapter 1: End of the Vacation

**Chapter 1-End of the Vacation**

A lush breeze blew through the trees on the Ridorana coast as the sun sank towards the sea. Balthier leaned back in his chair, drinking his umbrella drink and soaking up the sun. He glanced over at Fran who was standing in the surf, letting the sea wind blow through her tall ears. Balthier cracked a smile at the sight of Fran actually enjoying scenery. It was so unlike her; yet lately there had been no jobs to occupy their interests due to Ashe's more-than-monetary reward for their services. They had, after all, helped her save Ivalice.

"Excuse me, sir." A man was standing behind Balthier holding up his hand to look at his Archadian timepiece. "Your time in this spot is up."

Balthier moved his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose and smiled at the man. "I think there is a mistake. My friend and I paid for two spots on the beach for a full day…not just an hour."

"If you read the sign," the man pointed to a sign where it stated in plain Archadian 'All reservations are for ONE HOUR', then turned back to Balthier. "As you can clearly see, your time is up. Please relocate before I have to get the guards over here."

Balthier glared at the man as he stood there pointing, but packed up his belongings nonetheless. He called to Fran down on the shore and she came sprinting over to help with the packing. "Thank you for your time, sir." Balthier smiled as he roughly brushed the man, sending him stumbling backwards.

As the pair walked through the brush back to the Ridorana Cataract, they dropped their chairs and towels off at the station they had rented them from. They casually strolled through the small beach town that had sprouted up in the Cataract recently searching for oddities they might resell for any profit.

The monsters that inhabited the Cataract were no more, due to the decline in nethicite. The Pharos now also served as a light station for airships, since the fiends no longer resided there, either. The Ridorana Cataract was a sight to behold, to one who had seen it just 2 short years ago. Balthier reminisced on the many traps, monsters, and mazes they had once had to navigate through to reach the Sun-Cryst atop the Pharos Lightouse. He looked over to see that Fran had stopped at a stand that sold more than just a few types of bows. She had been asking for a new bow, and he figured she deserved one (she hadn't gotten a new one since they encountered Vayne).

Balthier approached Fran and asked, "What are you looking at?"

"This bow. It's called Sagittarius. It is of an extremely high quality. Unfortunately, the price seems to match the workmanship, and then some."

Balthier reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pouch with the Archadian Royal Crest on it.

"Did you take that from the beach supervisor?" Fran asked in a coy tone.

"And what if I did? We need it more than him anyways…" Balthier handed the woman behind the counter the pouch of gil and remarked, "Keep the change." He turned on his heel and began strutting away, leaving Fran looking at him, smirking. She collected the change from the woman (of which there was about 1,000 gil) and ran to catch up to Balthier.

"What is with the big spending lately?" Fran inquired.

"Ah, I just feel like since we do have unlimited funds from the Dalmasca Royal Treasury, we should take advantage of it."

"I don't think that Ashe would like us to be spending so much of her money."

"Well, she gave us permission to, so if she thought we shouldn't then maybe she should have told us." Balthier smiled vaguely and entered the Aerodrome, where he approached the Private Airships Desk.

"Hello, and welcome to the Ridorana Cataract Aerodrome. What is the name of your airship?" the woman at the desk inquired.

"_Strahl_."

"Your airship will be ready in 10 minutes. Please wait in the pilot's lounge until then."

"Thank you very much."

Fran and Balthier walked over to the small door marked with an elegant PL and entered. Inside, there were black suede sofas and long, dark polished oak tables with comfortable chairs and reading lamps. Being the newest Aerodrome, the Ridorana Pilot's Lounge got the most luxurious furnishings. Pilots came from all around to dock their ships at Ridorana so they could see the Pilot's Lounge and stay in the Inn in the Aerodrome.

Balthier pointed towards two unoccupied suede recliners. "We can sit over there."

He and Fran walked across the quiescent lounge and sat down. The crackling fire and the gentle murmur of voices soothed them into a near-sleep state. After a few moments, the loudspeaker came on and announced that the _Strahl_ was ready to be boarded by all of its crew and passengers. Balthier and Fran got up and took the long trek to the other side of the hangar where the boarding area was, where they boarded the airship and took their seats.

Balthier flipped a few switches and took the 'wheel'. "Fran, are we ready to take off?"

"Roger that, captain, all systems go."

Balthier glanced at Fran amused, then pushed a button that started the engines. He pulled up on the wheel and the _Strahl_ ascended to the skies. After going up a ways, he flipped a switch and turned towards Rabanastre.

Fran looked over at Balthier questioningly. "Where are we going?"

"I thought we would drop in and make a cameo at Ashe's coronation, then head over to Archades to see how Larsa is doing."

"Sounds like a plan to me." Fran leaned back in her chair and began examining the Sagittarius while humming a viera tune.

Shortly after Fran began humming, the gentle whir of the engines began to fade. She looked up at Balthier with a questioning look on her face. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes, it won't respond…the engines are failing!" Balthier frantically pushed buttons and flipped switches to try and restore the power to the rings.

"Balthier, it's the sky stone! It's cracked! The readings on the monitor are saying that it is feeding so much power to the engines that it is overloading them! We have to land!" Fran pressed a button and a flurry of data took over the screen.

"Fran, what does our paling look like?" Balthier began to reach for the paling button.

She pulled up the screen with the paling data. "It's only charged to 30."

"Is 30 enough to help us withstand a direct hit to the ground?"

"I don't know, but it could at least lessen the impact."

Moments after Fran spoke, the _Strahl_ slammed into the desert somewhere on the north end of the Dalmasca Estersand. Both Fran and Balthier crawled out of the airship, sporting only minor cuts and bruises.

Balthier looked at the totaled airship with a dismal expression. "The _Strahl_…"

Fran stood up and brushed herself off before looking around. "Well, we're obviously somewhere east of Dalmasca…the winds are too light here to be one of the Sandseas or the Westersand…"

Balthier glanced up at Fran from his broken ship. "I should think we're in the Estersand, based on how little time we were in the air. And not far from the seashore, I'd gather. We've a hike to the nearest town…"

Fran approached the decimated vehicle and began salvaging what she could. "Well, we'd better save what we can then. It appears that our vacation is over."


	2. Chapter 2: Stranded in the Estersand

**Chapter 2-Stranded in the Estersand**

"Fran, do you still not sense anything in the distance?" Balthier and Fran had been walking for 2-3 hours, and still had seen no sign of civilization. What they _had_ seen is more monsters than they wanted to.

"The mist is not favorable in this area. I can't sense very far, but what I can tell you is that we will be walking for a long time."

"I already knew that." Balthier continued to ramble on about sand in his shoes (and someplace else) as they walked on through the dunes. After a time, they found a small alcove in the cliffside they were following, and stopped to rest for a few moments.

"You know, Balthier, we could be walking for days, so if you need to stop for the night, we can camp here." Fran rose to begin making arrangements for a makeshift camp.

"Me? Stop for the night? I'm the leading man, so I'm supposed to be the strongest. Besides Fran, shouldn't the man ask the woman if she wants to stop? Especially in your three inch heels…" Balthier motioned to Fran's footwear as he talked about it, and grinned slightly.

"Ah, but don't you get sand caught in your long, flowing sleeves?" Fran grinned and motioned to his lacy clothing.

"Not as much as you might get wind burn from that headgear of yours." Balthier pointed at Fran's wiry helmet.

"Of course not. I'm more worried about you and all of those layers. We should stop here in the shade for you, so you don't get your clothes dirty or sweaty."

"You've got a good point Fran. Maybe we should stop." Balthier walked off to gather wood for a night fire, leaving Fran standing there, looking dumbfounded that he actually agreed.

"Humes are…so confusing…" Fran walked in the opposite direction to find a cactoid that would make a good salad for dinner.

(((Later)))

Balthier finished up his last bits of cactoid flesh and began picking his teeth with a needle. "That was tasty, Fran. Where did you learn to cook cactoid like that?"

"Learn? What do you mean, learn?"

"Um…never mind. So, what will we use for linens tonight?"

Fran pulled her pack over to her and took out two blankets and one pillow. "I have these. We'll have to sleep on the sand and cover ourselves with the blankets, since it gets very cold in the desert at night. I only have one pillow, though." Fran thought for a moment, then continued, "I suppose it should go to the 'leading man'" The last two words she emphasized with an almost sarcastic tone as she threw the pillow and the blanket at him.

Balthier caught the blanket and the pillow and smirked. "No, no, Fran…the lady should have the pillow." Balthier threw the pillow back at Fran and caught her dead in the face.

"I don't want it, though. You might mess up your perfect hair." She threw the pillow back at Balthier again, but this time it hit him in the chest.

"Well, it's only chivalrous to let the lady have the pillow. And what have we discussed about the qualities of a leading man?" He tossed the pillow to Fran again.

"Oh, come now, Balthier, you're hardly the main character in this story. Besides, you really should have the pillow." Fran tossed the pillow and it landed next to him. Balthier looked at it for a moment, considering what to do.

"Well, Fran, if you insist." He moved the pillow to the top of his spot, fluffed it, and laid his head down. "Good night, Fran."

Fran once again sat there, confused as to why Balthier had actually let her win, and then realized she had lost, since he had the pillow. She sighed and lay down on her own spot. She covered herself with her blanket and muttered, "Good night." to Balthier.

Morning came all too early in the desert that day. Fran woke Balthier up so that they could get an early start when the weather was still acceptable.

"Give me five more minutes, Fran, I need my beauty rest." Balthier turned over in the sand and covered himself up tighter against the slight chill outside.

Fran sighed and gathered up their supplies. About 10 minutes later, after she had gathered them all up, Balthier was still laying there.

"Balthier, you really need to wake up. We are to be leaving now." Fran frowned at his laziness.

"Fran, just go find something to do, I'll be fine." Balthier was sprawled out on top of his blanket, attempting sleep again.

Fran sighed and walked over to Balthier. She grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled on it. Balthier flew up into the air and landed on the side of the dune, giving him enough momentum to roll all the way down the dune and land about 35 feet away from Fran at the foot of the hill. She put his blanket and pillow in the bag, threw it over her shoulder, and casually strutted down the side of the dune after him.

"Come now, Balthier, we don't have time to hang about…we have to find a town sometime." Fran glided past Balthier, who was lying on the ground, his body half covered in sand. He mumbled something, but since his mouth was full of sand, it was incoherent. Balthier stood up a few moments later and looked around, but didn't see Fran anywhere.

"Fran, where did you go!?" He continued yelling into the wind as he looked around frantically. He fell to his knees on the soft sand and ran his fingers through it. "Did I chase you off, Fran?" He continued moping, not feeling like getting up. He had, after all, been left in the middle of the desert by his companion of many years. What had he to be happy about?

Fran walked up behind Balthier and asked politely, "What's wrong, Balthier?"

"Fran…she's gone. I think I chased her away with my laziness…"

Fran looked confused as Balthier spoke to her as if she wasn't Fran. In fact, she was slightly offended that he didn't notice her accent.

"I guess that was the straw that breaks the chocobo's back…I didn't think I was that hard to put up with."

Fran continued standing there, waiting for him to realize who he was talking to.

"All these years together, and she abandons me in the middle of the desert."

"Oh, for the Occuria's sake, Balthier, quit moping and follow me. I went back to the alcove to gather up the flint. I left it there by accident." Fran walked purposefully towards a distant blur.

"Fran!? You're back! Thank goodness!"

Fran looked at Balthier questioningly. "Quit being so dramatic."

"Oh. Ahem. Of course. Let me compose myself…"

"Good news, Balthier. I think I see a town in the distance. If we hurry up…we may be able to reach it by nightfall." Fran pointed to the distant blur she had been walking towards.

Balthier, acting as his old self again, followed Fran diligently, and took the bags from her, as the two hiked off towards the town in the distance.


	3. Chapter 3: Destination: Raem

**Chapter 3-Destination: Raem**

"Are we there yet?"

"And where, Balthier, would you be implying is 'there'?"

"I don't know…wherever we're going."

"Oh, please."

Fran and Balthier had been walking for two days through the barren Estersand, surrounded by cliffs and cacti.

"Do you sense any mist like a town nearby?" Balthier inquired. He had been whining a lot lately, since they had left the safety of their sleeping spot that morning.

"No…nothing that would be as big as a town. There is a pocket over there, but it doesn't seem to be more than four or five people." Fran pointed towards a small blur in the distance that had been getting bigger ever since they passed through the Rekaim Pass.

And so, our unlucky heroes trudged on through the sand; Fran in her 3 inch stilettos (how does she do that), and Balthier constantly having to stop them to get sand out of his shoes. They walked for another hour or so, until the town was nearly on top of them.

"It looks like there are only three huts up ahead. That's disappointing; I was hoping for a hot bath and a nice meal."

"Do I not provide you with enough food, Balthier?" Fran prodded at Balthier's shoulder with her elbow as she teased him lightly.

"It's not that, it's just that you don't provide _us_ with enough food. You have an appetite twice mine, Fran. We need our supplies replenished."

The scream of a man could be heard as Fran casually strutted into the small village and notified them that it was just her companion. The town was small, yes, but bigger than three huts. There were seven buildings in all. Three were houses, one was an inn, one was abandoned, and two were shops. In addition, there were a few tents and stands dotting the empty spots in the main street.

"Oh, dear, where is Balthier?" Fran mocked shock as she looked around, exaggerating her movements greatly.

Balthier waddled awkwardly into the town, seeming to be in some sort of pain.

"That was uncalled for, Fran. I don't appreciate your near-prevention of me ever having children."

"Oh, there you are. I don't know what you're talking about, Balthier." Fran smiled, putting on a nice ruse for Balthier as she walked off towards the shops.

"Wait, Fran!" Balthier walked awkwardly after her, catching up just as she reached the shop.

"It seems there is a weapons and armor shop, and a general store." Fran observed.

"I don't suppose we need the weapons or armor. I'm fine if you are." Balthier approached the general store and opened the door to walk in.

"Yes, we had better save our money. After all, we will need enough food for three people seeing as how I eat enough for two." Fran pointed out in a mocking tone as she brushed past Balthier, assuming he had opened the door for her.

"You're welcome, ma'am." Balthier replied to Fran's non-existent statement of thanks.

"Oh, chivalry requires no thanks, Balthier." Fran smiled sweetly as she entered the store and began gathering the materials they would need to make it to Dalmasca.

Balthier entered the store and was greeted by a wave of heat coming from the hearth in the center of the far wall. He walked over to the counter and looked behind it. Seeing nobody, he assumed this was not so populous a town that they need to be here all the time. He shrugged and joined Fran in her shopping.

Before they had so much as peered at a potion, the door burst open and they were both threatened by a lean woman with her sword drawn.

"What business have you in my shop!?" she demanded.

"Isn't it obvious? We're here to purchase goods from you, assuming you sell these things. Assuming you know what a customer is, I trust that you realize our motive for occupying your shop."

The woman's look changed from that of chagrin to mixed joy and abashment. "I'm sorry…it's just been so long since we have had visitors in Raem. I assumed you were here to rob me."

"Well, we're not. We were hoping to buy a few items and be on our way." Fran turned back around and began browsing the various curative items once more.

The woman sighed heavily and put her weapon away. "Good, I need customers. As I said, it's not often that travelers pass through Raem. The only way to get into the Estersand from the North is through uninhabited territory. Only those brave enough to travel to or from there ever visit."

"I see. So, you must not get much business here then." Balthier was helping Fran dust off the bottles of potion, which had gathered a thick layer of soil in their dormancy.

"Not really. Oh, I'm sorry. I was so rude to you, I didn't introduce myself. My name is Sandrine."

"Nice to meet you Sandrine." Fran held up a bag of goods to her. "We would like to purchase these and be on our way if you would like."

"Oh…well…okay. The next town is at least a two day walk…are you sure you won't stay the night in Raem?" Sandrine seemed disheartened by Fran's sudden hurry.

"We have managed until now, and will continue to do so. Thank you for your offer, though." Fran took the items to the counter and waited patiently.

"Oh, Fran, don't be such a stiff. We can stay the night. It's already afternoon, so we won't lose that much walking time. Plus, I'm exhausted. It's about time I had a nice warm bed to sleep in during these chilly desert nights." Balthier's sudden joviality spread to Sandrine as she hurried to the counter to take Fran's payment.

"Oh, thank you, sir. That will be 1300 gil, please." Sandrine took the payment and put it in the cash box, then pointed out the door. "The inn is two doors down. You can't miss it; it has a big painted sign outside. Thanks again!"

Balthier walked out the door first, and soon found himself face down in the sand; Fran had tripped him.

"You fool! Do you automatically trust everybody you meet!? Especially those that start off your relationship by threatening to kill you?" Fran seemed rather disappointed in Balthier, but nonetheless walked towards the orange sign labeled 'INN.'

"You shouldn't talk. Do you remember when we first met? In the Golmore Jungle?" Balthier was referring to the time when he met Fran wandering in the jungle, and outcast of the Eruyt Village. She had threatened to kill him if he did not leave the sacred forest, but he did not heed her warning.

"That was different." Fran seemed rather terse as she walked into the inn. When she reached the front desk and rang the bell, she gasped at who came out.

Sandrine walked out of the back room and assumed the position of hotel manager behind the desk. She even had a little nametag pinned to her shirt that read 'Sandrine-General Manager.'

"You…but…since when…" Balthier could not find the words to speak his question as to how Sandrine could be the manager of the store and the inn.

"A nice little monopoly you have going on here, eh?" Fran cracked a small smile.

"Yes, well, being such a small town, employees for all of the facilities are scarcely needed. Had you entered the weapons shop or the rest house, you would have found I work there as well." Sandrine grinned as she spoke.

Fran sighed and put on a nearly-contemptuous voice. "Well, ma'am, I would like a room for two please. Separate beds, if you have them. Oh, and we would like dinner and bathing facilities as well."

"That can be arranged. Right this way, miss." Sandrine led the two down a hall to the right that contained three rooms of varying sizes. They chose the largest room, and dropped their stuff off.

"Now, about dinner. Do you mind the house specialty?"

"Which is?" Fran seemed skeptical.

"My own recipe: Cactoid-Lobo Casserole."

"Sounds…delicious." Balthier interjected.

"I can bring it to your room. The bath is in the back, just past the desk, second door on the left. There are towels there already."

Balthier and Fran thanked Sandrine as they entered their room. They pulled out all of their stuff and beat the sand out of it, then laid it out on the bed. It was surprising how little they salvaged from the _Strahl_.

"She seems nice, eh?" Balthier suddenly asked.

"She is alright. A little eccentric, but alright nonetheless."

"True. Do you want to bathe first?"

"Whatever you want works for me. I think I shall go to the stream that runs behind this building and wash our clothing."

"Alright, then, I'll go take a bath first."

Balthier walked out of the room and headed for the bath, leaving Fran alone to carry all of the clothes out to the stream.

"So like a man." she muttered, and carried them off.

After washing up (both clothes and self), Fran and Balthier returned to their room to find dinner awaiting them. It was, surprisingly, very good. They both enjoyed it and asked for more when Sandrine checked on them. After finishing their stew, they talked with each other for a while about what to do next. It was decided that they would leave early in the morning towards Dalmasca once more, much to Balthier's chagrin.

Sandrine came to check up on the two just as they had decided it was time to go to sleep. She brought them extra blankets and offered them a warning.

"When you are walking through the desert ahead, beware the wyrms that may appear out of the sand. Encountering one will mean certain death."

"We'll try to be careful." Balthier muttered sarcastically, practically oozing ego.

"Thank you for your kindness, Sandrine." Fran added.

"You are very welcome. Good night." Sandrine closed the door, leaving Balthier and Fran, once more, to their own devices.

"Well, Balthier, it's time to go to sleep. Get as much as you can in that bed, it may be the last one you sleep in for a while."

"I know, and that's what scares me."


	4. Chapter 4: To the Gate!

**Chapter 4-To the Gate!**

Fran and Balthier awoke very early that morning. That is to say, Fran awoke early, and Balthier soon followed after she made as much noise as possible banging their bags against furniture intentionally. Sandrine saw them off that morning by waking up an hour earlier and preparing a breakfast feast, which she was sure to not charge too little for. After being on their way, it was not long until the two reverted to their old routine.

"Fran, honestly, could you walk _any_ faster."

At that comment, Fran began practically galloping towards the small blur which she assumed was Rabanastre at last.

"Balthier, you should try not complaining once in a while. It would suit you more."

"Oh, yes, and you should really be…Fran, for crying out loud, will you slow down!?"

"Very well, Balthier. It is, however, getting dark, and I don't want to be left out here another night in the cold, windy, dark, _sandy_ desert. Do you?"

"When you put it that way, no. But you know full well that my answer would be something like that. Quit playing with me…and slow down, dammit!"

Fran heeded Balthier's plea and began to decelerate until he caught up, then matched his pace. The two walked without speaking for a while until Balthier broke the silence.

"Do you remember what day we crashed?"

"It was four days ago…why?"

Balthier sighed heavily. "That means Ashe's coronation is in 2 days. Do you really think we can make it?"

"Of course…we should reach Rabanastre by the end of today. We can get a room in the castle, and if it is too late, in an inn. Why?"

"It seems like it has been much longer since we began our journey of sorts. I guess I just lost track of time…"

"Well, this is new. It seems that you haven't been serious this whole time we have been in the desert. What happened to the other Balthier? Did you just now realize that we might not make it?"

Balthier quickened his pace subconsciously at Fran's words. He didn't really think about it before, but Fran was right. They might not be able to make it in time, and would miss Ashe's coronation ceremony. It wouldn't be the end of the world, but he was planning for it to be the highlight of this visit to Dalmasca. What would happen if his dreams of a nice vacation were shattered? He didn't really have time to think about that though…he was too preoccupied with the sand that just got in his shoes…

Our heroes, after extensive desert travel, strolled up to the gates of Rabanastre, hot, tired, and sweaty. They happened to get there just as the sun was beginning to set. Twilight highlighted the features of the large gate, and made the extremely long line in front of the gate glow orange.

"Oh, no, it looks like they have stopped letting people in for the day." Fran looked worried as the two approached the gate.

Balthier strolled casually up to the nearest guard and inquired as to how long they would have to wait to get in. When he returned to Fran with the answer of four days, she was less than impressed.

"I doubt they would believe us if we told them we were here for the coronation."

"Fran, don't be dense. That's the precise reason they won't let us in. They don't want the town overflowing with people for the coronation, or things may get messy."

Fran glared at Balthier for a moment, then sighed, slightly offended at his underestimation of her intelligence.

"Well, I hardly think we can wait four days to get in. Is that when they expect coronation traffic to die down, or something?"

"Fran, you obviously need somebody to explain to you the finer points of city population during festivals, ceremonies, holidays, etc. You see…"

She looked over at the guards as Balthier rambled about demographics, and then looked back at him, seeming to be interested as she thrust her shin between his legs. Balthier looked shocked for a moment, then let out a scream and doubled over on the ground. She kicked him in the stomach a few times for good measure, then casually sauntered over to the guard.

"Excuse me, sir. My companion and I are here for the Lady Ashe's coronation. We were invited by her quite some time ago. I have an invitation here." Fran pulled out a formal invitation and showed it to the guard. He examined it and looked around. "Where's your friend?"

"Oh…" Fran gestured to the man still curled up in a ball on the ground and smiled ever so sweetly.

"I see…well…even so. I can't let anyone in until tomorrow morning. Sorry…it's a direct order. Not even with your invite. I can, however, guarantee you passage into the city tomorrow."

"And just where, do you propose, we sleep? I don't see any place…" Fran mocked searching for something in the area, then turned to gaze into the guard's eyes.

"Hey, lady, this isn't my problem. I did my duty. You can wait until morning. That's final."

After punishing the guard (discreetly, it's 'treason' after all), Fran walked over and crouched next to Balthier.

"Oh, honestly, do you have to be so dramatic about it?" Fran shook him lightly, but he didn't respond. She shook him harder, but still no response. She began to think that she had beaten him unconscious. It wouldn't be the first time today he would have to recover, but she was sure some permanent damage may be caused.

After shaking him again, he opened his eyes and looked up at her. She gave him a blank look for a moment, then realized he had just been sleeping. She glowered at him, and punched him in the face. "You idiot, I thought I had killed you!" When he remained motionless, she decided it was for the better. She didn't need his constant complaints, after all.

Fran searched for a few minutes for a place to sleep, before choosing a discreet alcove in the corner. There would be little noise and light polluting it, and there was a soft bed of grass where a garden used to stand. Long neglected, it would make the perfect place to 'camp' for the night. She laid Balthier in his bedding and bought a few items from the vendor. After putting out a few things for him to be able to find easily if he woke up, she fell into a deep slumber herself.


	5. Chapter 5: Detour to Sears

**Chapter 5-Detour to Sears**

When Fran awoke the next morning, she rolled over to see Balthier cutting up food into equal portions. She groaned as she stretched and put on her helmet.

"Good morning, sleepy-head."

Fran smirked as she scanned his face, surveying the damage she had done to his eye. It appeared as someone had thrown a plum and smacked him there.

"You know you don't have to do that…I could make the food."

"Well, I thought it would be nice to have food ready when you woke up." he glowered. "Then you had to go and ruin that by waking up."

Fran regarded him for a moment, confused, and then dismissed the idea. "Well, I don't know where you got that food, but I already have some food from Raem."

Balthier continued peeling his apple and quartering it, then put it down on the plate in front of him. "Breakfast is served."

After the duo finished their makeshift breakfast, Fran took the task of checking on the status of getting into the gates. She had to punish two more guards before she found out that the gates wouldn't be opened until the afternoon shipment of food came into Rabanastre. She reported back to Balthier, and the two began devising a plan to get in another way.

"We could go in through the sewers."

"Are you crazy!? I might get my clothes dirty. Not to mention how smelly I would be when we got out. It's out of the question!"

"Do you have to be so concerned with your appearance all the time?" Fran scowled at Balthier as she packed up their things.

"Yes. As the leading man, I have to look my best always, lest I get caught looking like a…well…supporting role…"

"I'll make you a deal. We can go to that store over there and get you something to make you smell good, and a change of clothes. We do need to get into the city, however, and the sewers are looking like our only option."

Balthier looked over at the store Fran was gesturing towards. "A Sears, huh? I suppose that will do. I can handle walking around smelling like a cheap man for a few hours."

And so, the duo strolled off towards the Sears. After passing a variety of useless things that they hadn't come in for (typical of Sears), they came across the colognes. Balthier chose an appropriate one, and moved on to the clothing.

"These shirts are dreadful, maybe I just won't get any new clothes. It's still not too late to wait at the gates." Balthier looked at Fran with a hopeful smile, but her look tore it from his face.

As Balthier continued to scan the clothing, Fran wandered off, hoping to find a new pair of shoes; hers had been worn down during their trek through the harsh desert. She was meandering through various racks of non-Stilettos, when she came across a large glass revolving door, with Rabanastre beyond it. On top of that, the door was completely open, and people were walking in and out of it. Heaving a sigh, she returned to Balthier, relieved that she wouldn't have to deal with him under the city.

Fran walked up just as soon as Balthier paid for his clothing and cologne. He turned around, beaming at his selections—they were exactly what he was wearing, except not name-brand.

"I could get used to this place. It's got all the clothes of the designer stores, without the cost."

"Balthier, this is hardly the time to be discovering bargain-shopping. Besides, I just found an exit into the city, over there." Fran gestured towards the very obvious door.

Balthier peeked around her, and his face contorted into an angry glare. "You could have told me there was an exit and I didn't need this trash…before I bought it!"

She appeared taken aback at what Balthier was saying. In a voice of mock surprise, she exclaimed, "Oh, but, you seemed to like this bargain-shopping a moment ago! What happened!?"

Balthier shoved his purchases into her arms and stormed off towards the large doors. "I'll get you back for this, Fran!"

Fran, not understanding what was going on (or how it was her fault) snickered and casually strolled off after him.


	6. Chapter 6: It happened at the Gates

**Chapter 6: It happened at the gates**

Balthier promptly trashed his purchases as soon as the two exited the Sears. Looking around, they could see that they had come out near the Sandsea Bar.

"The castle isn't far now, Balthier. We're almost there." Fran strolled off in the general direction of the castle, with Balthier tagging along quickly behind her.

"Fran! Wait, Fran! Can't we just quickly stop in the Sandsea to get a drink? I've had a long, arduous journey, and I think that I deserve a little bit of rest."

Fran continued her gait until Balthier grabbed her arm. She turned around and glared at him. "Balthier, I have had to put up with your senseless complaining for the better part of the last week. We are almost there, and I am sure Ashe will be happy to put you up in a suite or something of the sort." With that, she took hold of Balthier's arm and began dragging him towards the main avenue.

Fran walked up to the castle gates and boldly attempted to open them, only to be stopped by a guard.

"You can't go in there, Miss Viera. The coronation is tomorrow, and I have instructions to keep all but those with an invitation out." The guard stared at her with a 'You're-so-dumb-for-even-trying-this' look.

Fran sighed and rolled her eyes. "I really have come too far through too many closed gates to allow you to stop me when I am but a step from my goal." She lifted her leg to take her heel off, and promptly began beating the guard with it. After the first guard was unconscious, a slew of others emerged from the guardhouse.

"Fran…I don't think we should be beating the guards unconscious. It seems a bit drastic."

"Oh, shove it, Balthier, I am tired of dealing with thing neatly." Fran casually walked over, took the gun from Balthier's belt, and shot the oncoming guards in non-lethal areas. She replaced the gun, commandeered a key from one of the guards, and unlocked the gate.

"Fran, what the hell do you think you're doing? Friends of Ashe or not, I don't think that we can get away with assaulting the city guard!"

"I didn't say we were going to get away with it. We'll simply blame it on a more likely person." She looked around until she spotted a moogle shuffling by. She picked him up, thrust the gun in his hands, and replaced him on the ground. She then pushed him into a throng of guards. "

Now, then, if you'll kindly follow me to the castle, we can be on our way."

"One moment." Balthier walked to the guard house and began rummaging through a folder of papers.

"Oh, Balthier, we haven't got the time to be messing around!" Fran replaced her shoe and began tapping it on the cobblestone, impatiently waiting for Balthier.

"No matter, I've found what I was looking for." He pulled out a long list full of names and pictures. Fran recognized two of the profiles as themselves.

"What is this?"

"It's the guest list for the coronation. There are exclusive instructions to allow any of these people in, providing that they point out that they are guests first."

At that moment, two disheveled figures ran out from behind a building holding a key and slowed down upon seeing Fran and Balthier at the open gates.

"Ah, look, Fran! It's Vaan and Penelo! I would've thought they were already here." Balthier raised his hand to wave at the duo, but was swiftly greeted with a sharp smack in the face with a key.

"What the hell was that for!?" He wiped his face, leaving a smear of blood on his sleeve. Vaan and Penelo jogged up to them, Penelo ranting the whole way.

"…chase down that guard, losing all of our belongings that we brought in the meantime, only to find you two standing here waiting for us with the gate wide open!?"

Fran sighed and muttered, "Couldn't anybody be troubled to tell the guards that we were guests and have them check the list?"

The other three shot angry glares at her. If looks could kill, Fran (and any innocent bystander caught in the cross-glare) would be dead as a gatehinge. All three of them brushed past her, leaving her standing there with a smug smile on her face.


	7. Chapter 7: Happy Birthday Fran!

**Chapter 7: Happy Birthday, Fran! **

Fran innocently strolled along the long avenue between the front gates and the front doors, all the while searching for any sign of human activity. Or viera activity. Or bangaa activity. Or moogle activity. Or activity from one of those races. The others had left her, and that did not make her happy.

Was it her fault if they were stupid?

Shortly, she began daydreaming…

Fran was nearly upon the gates when she stumbled over something. She leaned down to pick it up. It appeared to be a trampled, dirty party blower. Thinking that the servants needed to do a better job of cleaning up, she left it there and pushed into the castle. As soon as she walked in she was greeted by none other than…

Nothingness. This was starting to creep her out. There wasn't a trace of anybody anywhere in the castle. She dismissed it, thinking they were all at some pre-coronation soirée that she neglected to get herself invited to.

She searched a few more minor rooms, before approaching the doors to the great hall. They were closed. Strange. They were never closed. This did not bode well. She pushed the doors open a crack, and not a sliver of light escaped. She opened them the whole way, and her mouth dropped open (along with going deaf).

Fran was greeted by the loudest, largest group of people she had ever seen. They were all yelling "Surprise" in unison. She glanced at a large banner hung above the tables that read 'Happy Birthday, Fran!'

Smiling to herself, she walked over to Balthier, who was nearest her. After putting her arm around his shoulders, she slammed him to the ground and put her foot on top of him. It was the happiest moment that Fran had experienced in about a month. She couldn't help but wonder, though…

Had they put her through that arduous journey just for their own sick amusement? Thinking this, she dug her heel into Balthier's back, ignoring the grunts of pain coming from below. She grabbed Vaan by the strap-shirt thingy and pulled him over to her.

"What is the meaning of this?" she hissed at him.

"Well, Fran, we just thought that you would like a surprise birthday party, since you would have said no to one if we asked you, and you claimed everybody forgot your birthday, and—"

"I'm talking about how I got here. Did you send me on this long journey just so that you could surprise me with a birthday party?"

Vaan glanced over at Penelo, who looked away immediately. The room had gone silent. He looked into her eyes.

"Well, yeah."

Fran thrust Vaan aside, kicked Balthier for good measure, broke Penelo's neck, swiped the future queen's legs out from under her, slammed Basch in the face with her heel, breaking his nose, and ran smack into the front door of the castle, leaving her disoriented for a second.

Fran stood up. She was standing outside the castle, with Vaan, Penelo, and Balthier all staring at her like she was crazy. Their accusing stares might be well founded…she had after all just run into a wall.

"Fran, are you all right?" Balthier put on a concerned look.

Fran slowly turned to meet their eyes, each in turn. "YOU COULD'VE STOPPED ME! NOW MY FACE HURTS!" She erupted on them, thrusting Vaan into the wall, kicking Balthier for good measure, and breaking Penelo's neck (except not really because then she would die).

After her outburst, Fran opened the front door to the castle. She turned to the three immobilized victims of Fran's new bad temper. "Aren't you coming? We didn't come all this way to sit outside the gates and moan…" Fran strolled casually into the castle, leaving them behind.

Penelo rubbed her neck. "She really has gotten a bad temper lately…I wonder why…"

Vaan regained his bearings and helped Balthier up. "We'd better hurry before she comes back and beats the crap out of us again."

Vaan and Penelo ran inside, leaving Balthier standing there, trying to feel better. A thought occurred to him. Maybe he knew why Fran was having mood swings so much lately. "I wonder…"

…………………………………………………………………….

So what do you think it is thats making Fran so moody? Huh? Huh? Well, keep hypothesizing, because you're wrong.

By the way, you won't find out for say….2 or 3 chapters…so don't expect the answer soon!


	8. Chapter 8: Don't call me imposter!

**Author's Note**  
Sorry about the long delay in updating the story, but it should be finished with about one or two more chapters. It's been difficult to decide which direction to go with this one, since there is obviously no clear answer to how it should end….

Now, if you've been waiting faithfully, I thank you! Please enjoy the eighth installment of _Astray in the Desert_!

**Chapter 8: Don't call me imposter!**

Opening the front doors to the castle, Fran walked in like she owned the place. Vaan, Penelo and Balthier followed her in, struggling to keep up with her increasingly rapid pace. She strode right up to the receptionist's desk (royal palaces gotta have order too, no?) and slammed her fist down on it.

"I demand to see Princess Ashe at this very instant." Fran didn't seem to be too excited to have finally arrived at their destination. And the receptionist didn't seem too excited to see her unexcited. And Balthier and Penelo and Vaan didn't seem too excited to see that Fran wasn't excited. This didn't bode well.

"Well, ma'am, if you have an appointment then you will surely be permitted to see the Princess, but if you don't, then I'm afraid you will have to make one and come back." The receptionist stared at Fran like she was 12 years old, and had lost her mother.

"I don't need your sympathy, old woman. Either you can allow me to see her or I will just have to allow myself."

"As I said, it is not possible for you to see the princess at this time. Now," the receptionist remarked as she opened her appointment book, "I can fit you in tomorrow at 2:15 as long as it won't take more than 45 minutes; she is a very busy woman and has—hey wait, come back here!"

Fran has long ago stopped listening, and was halfway up the humongous staircase that led to the royal chambers of the castle. Following the signs posted on the walls, Fran soon found Ashe's day chamber. Upon her arrival at the door, Fran politely knocked.

"Who is it?" The butler cracked the door. "I don't remember receiving word that the Princess is to have any visitors right now…"

Fran muscled her way into the room[accidentally giving the butler a bloody nose. She marched over to where Ashe sat in her chair and stopped, glaring at her.

"Do you realize what we have gone through to get here to see you!? And you can't even do something as simple as leave us a pass at the gate, or even in your own palace!? What is wrong with you!?"

Balthier, Vaan and Penelo shut the door quietly behind them, but not quietly enough to save them from a ferocious glare from Fran.

"Um…I…I'm sorry, Fran. I thought you were already here. After all, you did arrive a few days ago…." Ashe stopped when there was a knock at the door. Balthier opened it and in walked a hume followed by a viera and two other humes.

"Oh dear…" Penelo stared in awe at the foursome who had just entered. It was like looking in a mirror; it was the same exact group that had entered Ashe's quarters a few moments before.

They were looking at themselves…

[Do note that the group we have been following throughout this adventure is to be referred to as the 'real' group, since they are indeed real, despite Fran's actions suggesting otherwise…

After the initial surprise wore off, Fran was of course the first one to confront the imposters.

"Who…who are you!?" she approached them, closing in for the kill.

"What do you mean who are we? Who are you and what are you doing here?" the imposter Balthier exclaimed.

Fran glared. She was angry. "Do not answer my question with a question, fool. I will punish you…."

The real Balthier nodded in agreement as the fake Balthier's eyes narrowed. "You are nothing like Fran. Who are you?"

"If I may interject," Ashe stepped into the middle of the room, regarding the real Fran. "You do seem to be nothing like the Fran I grew to know. I think that maybe you are the imposter"

Fran stared blankly at Ashe, while behind Fran's back Balthier was frantically signaling to stop talking. Ashe didn't get the message.

"The Fran I knew was kind and caring, but wise and insightful as well. You just seem overly moody and rude. You are acting more like Balthier than yourself. Who are you really?"

Sighing heavily before she did so, Fran scooped up the imposter and threw her out the window. By the time she had come back for the other three, they were long gone, sprinting down the hallway towards the stairs.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" Ashe ran to the window in time to see the imposter Fran hit the ground with a sickening thud. She turned back to the real group. "Just who do you think you are!?"

Fran smiled maniacally and replied, "Why, we're your friends of course." Fran approached Ashe…

**Screen fades to black**

Just kidding…..on with the story now…..

When Fran reached Ashe, she embraced her in a tight viera hug. "We have traveled so far to see your greatest achievement…how could you not recognize us?"

"Can you blame me? You're acting very strangely…"

Fran let go of the stunned princess and stepped back, crossing her arms. "Well just how am I to prove to you that I am the real Fran?"

Ashe pondered for a moment, then came up with the answer. "You can tell me the name of Penelo's true love. Only the real Fran would know that…"

Fran smirked. "Oh, that's easy…" She looked towards Penelo, who began to blush.

"Don't bring me into this!" Penelo came forward as she shouted. "Besides, I am truly in love with V—"

"Larsa Solidor!!!!!" Fran smiled wide and shared a laugh with Ashe.

It was the first time that Fran had laughed (not as somebody's physical expense) in a very long time….


	9. Chapter 9: Fran sees a specialist

**Author's Note**

Well, all you have to do is read on and it is finally revealed: the source of Fran's anger. It's pretty simple actually, and I wouldn't be surprised if you guessed. Also, she's NOT pregnant, so don't assume that….

Also, don't complain, but this is a very short chapter. I mean in how much detail do you want me to describe a doctor's visit? Come on. Not that you asked me to describe it at all but…oh well, I'll stop rambling….here you go!

**Chapter 9: Fran sees a specialist**

After the brief display of friendship following the death of the doppelganger Fran, the real Fran began getting meaner. Not just a little meaner, a LOT meaner.

That evening, when Balthier requested a room with Fran so that they could talk, she got so angry that she once again attempted to sterilize him, telling him that she wasn't some easy whore he could pick up at any time.

When Ashe offered to take the four out for dinner to apologize for mistaking the imposters for her real friends, Fran told her to shove her stupid apology up her ass. Then she proceeded to shove her foot (surrounded, of course, by the 5 inch stiletto heel) up Ashe's ass.

Getting progressively worse, Penelo suggested Fran see an anger management doctor, which she surprisingly agreed to. It just so happened that Penelo knew of a miracle-working doctor right in Rabanastre (how do you think she got so sweet and mellow?).

He lasted 10 minutes before Fran was holding him out the window by his feet, making him beg for his life.

Her anger was bordering on being sadistic. So, Ashe decided it was time to call in a specialist. Dr. Gurr, Obscure Viera Ailment Lover (OVAL).

"Fran, I'd like to run a few tests, if I may." Dr. Gurr approached Fran and quickly shoved a needle into her arm, not bothering to aim lest she swat him away before he got the chance.

"What kinds of tests? I'd like to know what you're doing to me if you don't mind, Dr. Gurr…"

"Just the basic, run of the mill tests such as gonorrhea, SARS, avieran flu, etc. Nothing to be worried about, really."

The doctor proceeded to pump chemicals into and out of Fran's arm like she was a soda machine, causing Fran to wince every once in a while.

After a sufficient amount of Fran's innards had been removed and replaced, the doctor departed for the lab. It only took about twenty minutes for her to decide what it was that was ailing Fran.

"Fran…this is kind of strange, but it seems that you have….well…."

"Well spit it out, idiot. I'm tired of waiting…."

"You have rabies Fran…"

"Rabies? You've got to be joking me…."

"No, you have tested positive for rabies…have you been around any wild animals lately?"

"Just Balthier, but he hasn't bitten me…so…how could I get rabies?"

"Beats me…just take this medication twice a day and you should calm down in about a week."

The doctor handed Fran a bottle of pills with a marked out skull and crossbones that had "Rabies Medication" written on it.

"Are you sure this is the right medication, doctor, it seems that—" Fran was cut off by Dr. Gurr's ushering of her out of the office.

"Thank you for coming Fran. I will bill the palace. Have a nice day!" Dr. Gurr slammed the office door shut, shaking the pictures that surrounded it.


	10. Chapter 10: Ignore Penelo

**Author's Note**

Finally! The long awaited update to Fran and Balthier's adventure! In this chapter, a new problem develops, and its up to everyone (sans Fran) to fix it!

Sorry about the year-long wait, but I have had a VERY busy schedule. And my free time always involves forgetting about fanfiction…

Now, without further ado,

**Chapter 10: Ignore Penelo. She's Unimportant.**

"This won't do at all…" Ashe paced up down in her sitting room. Balthier and Penelo were comfortably sprawled out on one of her chaise lounges. Vaan was on Fran duty (God rest his soul…).

"What are we to do, Balthier? The coronation is in three days, but Dr. Gurr says that Fran won't have calmed down by then. And she can't be absent…I would hate to lose any limbs or even my life due to her anger. But I can't have her there biting everybody's heads off." Ashe cast a worried look over at Balthier, who was wearing a pensive, dazed look.

Penelo spoke up. "Well I know of a recipe for panacea bott—"

"I've got it! We can sedate her! And tell her that she slept through the coronation, and that we couldn't wake her up!" Balthier seemed very excited about this proposition.

"No, that's the dumbest thing that I've ever heard." Ashe shook her head scornfully. Balthier deflated instantly.

Penelo huffed a bit, then: "We can just use a panacea bottle. I have a reci—"

"I know what we can do!" Ashe was the idealist this time. "We use Esuna on her! That cures everything, right? I mean we got blinded and poisoned and even turned to stone and it healed us. It can cure rabies, right?"

"No no. It's one of the only things that it doesn't cure. Look." Balthier strode to the bookshelf and pulled down a book labeled 'Magickse oof teh Yooneeverse'. He flipped to the 'E' section and found the page on Esuna. At the bottom, it read:

**Deesclaihmer**

Thees spelle cannoht heel thee folloowing eailmentes: Deth, Zoombee, und Rebbies.

"It's in old Rabanastranese, but I can still clearly see that it won't cure death, zombie, or rabies. What an odd combination."

"Well, all we need to do is use a panac—" Penelo began.

"I'VE GOT IT THIS TIME! We can use a panacea bottle! I have a recipe in one of these books!" Excited, Ashe began searching through the titles for a book that would give instructions for making a panacea bottle. Frustrated, Penelo rose and said, "I'm going to find Vaan." At that, she strode out of the room.

Balthier glanced up as the door slammed. "Was that Penelo? What's eating her?"

Vaan was trembling as he knocked on Fran's door. She beckoned him in, and he entered. Upon his entrance, he approached her nightstand and placed the tray he was carrying upon it.

"Here you go, Fran. Filet mignon, seasoned just as you asked with my pride, hopes, and dreams."

"That was sarcasm, you fool! Don't you know not to season filet mignon! If cooked right, the natural flavor should suffice!"

"I-I didn't actually cook it! What do you expect out of me? I was only doing what you asked?"

"And do you always mindlessly do as I ask? Have you no pride?"

"Not anymore, it's on your steak…"

"Out of my sight, knave! I want nothing more to do with such idiots!" Fran waved her hand imperiously as she foisted the tray onto her lap.

Vaan turned and began to exit the room. He got as far as the door when it flew open and smashed him in the face, incapacitating him. Penelo, feeling resistance on the door, naturally pushed harder, causing Vaan's unconscious body to be heaped behind the door, out of sight behind a velvet curtain.

Fran looked at the bulge in the curtain and shrugged. "Good evening, Penelo. I trust that your day has gone well?"

"Shove it, bunny-chick. I'm tired of everybody being so worried about you and ignoring me. I was a more prominent character than you, so why doesn't anybody pay attention to me!? Even Vaan won't look at me anymore! What has the world come to?" Penelo was shouting by the time she was finished.

Fran stared blankly at Penelo. "What in heaven's name are you talking about? You speak like this is some sort of game…"

Penelo's jaw dropped. "Am I the only one who got the memo!?" She shook her head, disgusted.

Fran removed the tray from her lap and rose from her chair. "I think that maybe you've attended a few too many pre-coronation balls and parties. You should lie down, Penelo. You're obviously crazy."

Penelo glared at Fran. "Me? Crazy? Look at you! You've run around for the past four days attempting to sterilize every male in Rabanastre! And I'm the crazy one, right?"

"Well, duh. What I did was perfectly normal."

Penelo screamed and tackled Fran to the ground. Or tried to. Fran gracefully moved aside, and Penelo soared past, directly out the window. Fran moved to the windowsill and gazed at the disheveled yellow and blue spot about forty feet down. "Serves her right."

The bulge in the curtain began to stir, and Fran replaced herself in her chair, and began to feast on her filet mignon once again. She made no mention of Penelo to Vaan. After a while, he left to join Ashe and Balthier, and she decided it was time for some beauty rest.

When Vaan stepped into Ashe's sitting room, he was greeted by the sight of a bubbling cauldron and two people dressed in black robes, chanting over it. The two figures stopped chanting and directed their attention to Vaan when he entered.

The first figure removed its hood, revealing Ashe's face. "Oh, uh, Vaan. H-hi…"

The second figure removed its hood as well, revealing the face of Balthier. Vaan shot them a puzzled glance, but they disrobed before he could ask why they were dressed in such a manner.

"What are you doing…?"

"We're brewing panacea! To heal Fran! It heals everything, you know!" Ashe seemed pleased with herself.

"Except Death, Zombie, Cancer, and Lazy Eye." Balthier snapped the book he was reading from shut.

"Panacea doesn't require such an elaborate ceremony, does it?" Vaan seemed skeptical.

"Well…no…but…I don't get out much, you see…" Ashe trailed off, looking downward.

"At any rate, its almost done. And you've drawn the short straw, m'boy! You will be the one to administer the treatment to the patient! Just…mix it in her soup or something!" Balthier seemed pleased with himself.

Vaan frowned. "Wait a second. If it was as simple as panacea, don't you think that Dr. Gurr would have prescribed that?"

Ashe's face darkened. "I don't believe that we asked for your opinion. Now, do as you are told by your queen."

"You're not my queen yet!" Vaan complained. However, as he did so, a small bottle was shoved in his hands and he was pushed out the door. As soon as he left, the chanting resumed. He sighed, and started towards Fran's room.


End file.
